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[09 Jun 2004|10:59am] |
from now on this journal is dead. you can add the friends only one - ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) violetfirefly
From the very start
it came apart
it broke up into pieces and
there was a chance and i missed it
It could, risked it
and I put myself into your hands
Cause you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
oh you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
I can run my courses
Opposing forces
and oh man I just...
If you want me then you can have me
take me, oh baby grab me
Cause if you want me then you can have me
Cause you're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
You're not just anyone
You're a ladder to the sun
oh now boy what you mean i've done
you set a course that you couldn't run
oh now boy what you mean i've done
I had it all and I risked it
I had it all and I risked it all
And I risked it all
And I risked it all
A ladder to the
A Ladder to the sun
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun
And I risked it all
A ladder to the
A ladder to the sun
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[07 Jun 2004|06:09pm] |
meet... boyfriend <3
This picture does him no justice. He has pink hair, his eyes are green, his name is shayne... he's soooo beautiful, brilliant, different.
I'm still so wasted, but last night was wonderful, pretty, perfect... we love this boy soo much. you will be seeing alot more of him. I promise.
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[06 Jun 2004|06:16pm] |
went to revolver with Lexi on friday.. chris and georgina came.. god.. I had so much fun..
I met An's ex boyfriend and made him buy me like 4 beers and then coincidentally ran into An Vo.. who was down, but didn't tell anyone.. what are the odds.. haven't seen her since highschool ended.. it was sooo much fun. they played all the right songs, especially bizarre love triangle.. my favoritest. I couldn't dance, but I did.. danced my self retarded and fell a couple of times.. ran into Emmay and Lindsay.. they looked so innocent, so cute.. I gave them a hug and told them that we love them.. we do.. fuck the drama.. fuck the bullshit.. we fucked up, but we still love you... so you have to love us back!!... saw vikki.. she was wasted.. wayyyyysted.. I don't think she recognized me . saw alot of people that are on livejournal..but didn't have the balls to say hi.. saw.. Cesar.. it wasn't awkard, it was nice seeing him again.. I danced with him a little I think.. . I've never had that much fun at a club, since the first time we snuck into a club that was playing buffalo soldier.. and we had the TV 2 camera.. and me and jen booty danced while ashliah tried to film it.. ahaha.. someone's gonna find a tape in that school one day and be like wtf.. because that was never erased and the tape.. well the tape was returned.. oi. I will mos def. go again.. I had to sneak past chris (an's ex) because he was trying to get me to pay for the beers he bought me.. saying i owed him beer n' shit.. ahaha.. this boy is so stupid.. we left at the perfect time, around 3 and I was so fucked up on the way home. I don't remember driving home.
Last night we went to shayne's house.. met this strange boy named freddy... (freddy definitely got fingered).. no.. haha.. he got fucked up and puked all night.. while we stayed up and drank.. met kristen, who kept sneaking liquor into our regualr.. non alcoholic drinks.. so when we thought we were drinking orange soda we were getting drunker.. i love that girl.. it makes perfect sense.. she's a leo.. so her and Austin are like this--> X <---. smoked and took pixtures... will post soon i guess.. had alot of fun.. we watched the show that makes fun of cops on comedy central.. the black woman is my favorite.. ahaha.. i remember laughing alot, it was fun, we passed out on the floor and woke up and died my hair.. which didn't really work, but we'll fix that tonight when we see shayne again.
Today I feel.. blah.. I think the green will fix that. Thank you meagan n' kaydee for getting it for us, i was delightfully surprised. xo.
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[05 Jun 2004|07:45pm] |
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don't pretend to be my friend if you don't have the energy to. end
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[04 Jun 2004|07:19pm] |
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[04 Jun 2004|01:13pm] |
call Tom.. at 3pm on saturday... why is it always 3... everything is 3.. always.. he better have good news for me... because I am not patient!!
the old freaky friday from 1973 is so much better than the new one. I miss the old disney movies.. like the shaggy dog.. and mary poppins.. and chitty chitty bang bang.. <3
It is my sister's birthday sooooon and I have to organize pixtures.. again.. for the fucking INS... jesus chrst.. how many pictures they must have of me. It's sick shit.. honestly.. they have literally photo albums full of headshots. next time someone asks for my headshot.. I will send them to the INS.. because those lovely people took their sweeet ass time to collect bunches of photos that i had to get taken and pay for... i'm not arabic!! AHH
Today, I'm feeling.. ... frustrated
::NEEEDS SIMPLICITY :: 1 ... 2.... 3.... GO!!!!
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[03 Jun 2004|12:45pm] |
...ugh. my eyes feel all googly and my head feels like water. I'm gonna love this when I have to talk to the gm at 3pm.
last night was amazing, I had alot of fun.. I always do with my favorite girls. We saw Rachel and Vikki who we haven't seen in a loong loong time.. vikki did her first beer bong.. kristen, austin, mikey, meagan, kadee.. we were all wasted out of our minds. I think kristen or megan's journal has all the quotes.. ahahah we were all sitting in the car at the end of the night singing along to alanis morisette.. in the driveway.. i don't understand why.. but i loved it.
I feel so bloated, like a beachball.. I need more sleep
it's really hard to get a point across to some people, but I believe maybe now something will sink in.. otherwise we might have to meet this boy and fix his problems like a bunch of savages.. mm. wolves..
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[02 Jun 2004|06:37pm] |
In other News
I have decided to enroll in the Art institute of fort lauderdale in August for digital media prodcution, video production, and broadcasting. - starting August until we move to Las Vegas in a year or so with Meagan n' Kadee. Now that I am finally able to do what I've been yearning to do for, for so long, this will be my number one priority.
Moving on up... TGI Fridays looks promising and fun. I can't wait for tonight - Rachell's welcome-home postal service party... if it's still happening and then this weekend ♥ when I get to hang out with my favorite boys and girls. Party monster weekend.
yeh. I'm happy
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[02 Jun 2004|06:20pm] |
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why do people who I haven't seen or heard of in about a year talk shit about me.. people who I have no beef with?.. it amazes me that I have such power. If this is about caring for the boy you love then.. aww.. you deserve admiration, but shit, asshole.. don't think you can try that shit with me. I don't play the reputation game and if anything you're just ruining your credibility... so STOP or I will fuck your mind like you have never experienced before. yah. so maybe I am 'persuasive', but stay off my shitlist or I will go postal.
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[02 Jun 2004|01:52pm] |
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I hate the burr.. it's making me fat
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[01 Jun 2004|09:11pm] |
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[01 Jun 2004|11:47am] |
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl
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[31 May 2004|07:08pm] |
friends can only offer positive influence.. or is that just how it works in my mind. In theory, we're all just out there searching for the most interesting person, but what do you have to offer if you are unmotivated, boring and not interesting yourself. Constantly making ourselves.
get out of our business. What's between me and Austin is between me and Austin. I don't care if you have an opinion about it. take your opinion and swallow it because that's none of your business
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[30 May 2004|07:47pm] |
I need to be more androgenous
I need to be skinnier
I need to pierce my ears
I need to grow out my hair and dye it black
I need to think differently and out of the box
I need to give up on death
I need to believe that Austin truley loves me
I need to believe that my best-friends truley love me
I need to believe that I am not always the crutch in everyones side
I need to believe that not everyone is lying to me
I'm sorry for proving your premonitions. I'm sorry for proving you right and I'm sorry for letting it get to the point where you know what to expect. I'm sorry for disrespecting you and your house and your family and not listening to you because I didn't believe you understood me. I'm sorry that you all talked about me. I'm sorry for acting like I am 5 and being immature. I'm sorry for not being able to control my emotions. I love my Austin without end and I love him in so many ways that no matter what happens around the ground we walk on, he will always be the boy that I would lay down on a puddle for him to walk over. No one can possibly understand the force and power of how much I care about this boy. I'm sorry for making him cry and I'm sorry for going about things the wrong way. I just wanted some recognition as his boyfriend.. just want to be noticed when you're around other people and I don't want you to have to prove yourself. I'm sorry for screaming and acting the way I did. I don't remember what I said to Austin and I don't know why I actually drove home. Austin told me to leave and I left - when I came back he was passed out. I'm not drinking or smoking or doing anything anymore because It doesn't make me happy. I love everyone. Thank you for putting up with me. I won't be going out anymore. I'm not worth the drama but that doesn't change how much I love you and I really am sorry.
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[29 May 2004|02:52pm] |
ugh. I feel drunk as hell
I drank so much, I really haven't been this trashed in forever.
Mikey, Denise, Kristen and Jesse hung out with Megan, Kaydee, Austin and I last night.. a party gone insanely mad
we were all naked in the pool making out with eachother. almost like a giant gay/bi/straight orgy at once.. this strange girl dragged me to the deep end and I had an asthma attack.. and then a panick attack at the same time because I felt like no one was helping me and I couldn't breathe. I thought I was going to die. It was horrible. A cop walked in through the backyard a few minutes after I was pulled out of the pool.. I don't remember what he said to me, Kristen pinched his ass and he left. We were all naked when he came.. it was weird.. I had to pretend that I was fine so that the cop wouldn't call 911. Kristen has a way with cops because he was okay with everything and told the 2nd officer that he didn't need assitance - either that or she's just insanely hot and she was naked..
Mikey made me think of calm blue waters or something like that.. strange, but it worked. I touched my first vagina in real life ever.. and it was pierced..hmmm.. did a beer bong with Austin... smoked everyone elses cigarettes.. walked around naked... slept with Mikey and Austin in the 'room'.. Austin drove me home.. I don't remember much else.. just that I talked alot to alot of people.. I don't remember what I said or what we were talking about that was so interesting, but we talked forrrrever.. I told everyone how much I love them I think
blah.. I feel braindead and this entry shows it..I had alot of fun.. i do love my girls and boys ♥
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[28 May 2004|11:10am] |
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Invalid video URL.
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[28 May 2004|10:06am] |
To my surprise, I was not sold on a false hope again... wasn't given the ol' kick in the face.. combat boot in the mouth... dirt in the eye.. tastes like cocaine routine. Jen, jen's lil sis, Jacki, and Laurenna came over at almost midnight because a boy is oh soooo important. Drank almost all of my gallon to the bottom of the bottle or so it would seem like.. atleast it wasn't as bad as the night Kristen's bottle got sucked up in like 10minutes at gayskate night. ugh.. drunk kids.. on trampolines. It was a tad bit awkward, then jackie left and sat on the square cement block out back - not a party animal.
velvetcanvas (9:51:30 AM): we shoul drink me
bluethursday 7 (9:51:30 AM): im dixxy
velvetcanvas (9:51:34 AM): *more
bluethursday 7 (9:51:37 AM): dizzy
They left and then we watched requiem for a dream... which is horrible when you're fucked up because you feel so connected to these characters.. such a fucking depressing movie, but so brilliant.
I think we should name cops 'smarties' because so they are so fucking smart. They are practically genius. smartie party pants.. ahahah ..
As for other shit... i say fuk it. I'm gonna get too wasted and tell everyone your secrets, so keep them to yourself
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[27 May 2004|10:58pm] |
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If I could give good bonestructure to my true friends I would do it so that they wouldn't want good looking friends.
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[27 May 2004|03:15pm] |
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will things change?... or not
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